You know the moment when something happens and you just can’t take it anymore?
You were having a hard time holding it together, but then something happens and it pushes you over the edge.
This happened to me a couple of weeks ago at work when I had to give a big speech.
Plus, the next day I was sharing my ED story publicly for the first time at a NEDA Walk.
ED & the Gang came out in full force! They all started talking at the same time.
Conversations went something like this...
ED: You know if you were thinner you’d be in control and you would be a better Executive Director. Since you are fat and unattractive you will do a terrible job giving your speech. How can you get up on stage and show your face. You should be so ashamed.
Mr. P: You are an awful speaker. Who do you think you are?
Ms. P: Well, since you are fat, ugly, and an awful speaker, you shouldn’t do it at all! It’s all or nothing. Being perfect is the only way to do it.
Of course they are all talking over each other. Then they start telling me what I should be doing. They all come together to say the same thing…
BINGE...ESCAPE...NUMB...ISOLATE...
Before recovery, I had no way to fight back these attacks. This verbal abuse is relentless and hurts to the core. In Recovery, I have the tools and experience to know I can do battle with ED & The Gang.
The key has been
my faith
remembering where my identity is found.
Both have been essential in winning the battle against ED & the Gang.
ED & The Gang tells me there's only one way to be happy and that is to strive after what society, Hollywood, and the media says is beauty and success.
Experiencing the love and grace of Jesus silences the voices! Before I only knew about His love and grace but now I experience it.
David G Benner in his book, Surrender to Love, explains it this way...
“It took me a long time to begin to know God through my heart and not simply my head.”
He goes on to say,
“It demands sufficient basking in this love that being deeply loved becomes the foundation of your identity.”
As I spent more time with Christ,
He showed me He is the Father who is running to me.
He reminds me my looks, performance, and works can’t give me my identity.
What a relief to experience His grace and to feel the assurance that my identity comes in who HE is and has nothing to do with ME!
It’s like I can breathe again. ED & the Gang have no power against this truth. I am no longer paralyzed by the thought of standing up in front of a crowd of people.
You see Jesus reminds me He is the one who created me and called me to my work, so He finds me beautiful and will equip me to do my job.
My identity is not attached to how I look or perform. He is my identity!
In my mind, I see Him standing behind me at the microphone and holding me up. He tells me I am extravagantly loved and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says.
This particular video has been very helpful in my identity journey!
Where do you find your identity?
How does ED want to define your identity?